My marriage… With Olalekan Badmus

How long have you been married?

I have been married for 19 years now. I got married to my wife on May 7, 2005.

How did you meet her?

We met on Tuesday, January 10, 2002, during our NYSC orientation at Isialanga Camp in Abia State. A friend at the camp knew her from secondary school. We clicked almost immediately when we met. After the orientation camp, she was posted to Nigerian Breweries in Aba, while I served in Umuahia.

We courted for two years after meeting at the camp. She wanted to get married very young, but I felt it was too early for me. We broke up due to these differences in our choices.

After a while, we started communicating again, and I asked myself, what else am I looking for? One thing I appreciate about her is that she encouraged me to start our marriage at a young age, which I value to this day.

As a very serious executive, how do you strike a balance between work and family life?

I have been used to working since I was very young. My father has always been an industrialist and agropreneur. My siblings and I grew up working together to keep the home.

From a very young age, even while in secondary school, we would go to my father’s company to work during holidays.

Despite his affluence, we sold chicken on the streets of Osogbo and worked in every department of the company. Working is something I have always been accustomed to. Fast-forward, I have been working for over 20 years now, and I have managed to cope with my family’s demands.

While serving as a commissioner in Osun State under Governor Adegboyega Oyetola, even when I was allowed to handle three ministries, I balanced executing my job with maintaining a good family life. The only difference in my new role is that I am in Lagos, while my family is away from me, but I endeavour to visit them regularly.

It’s been quite interesting. My kids are not always around, which makes it easier to get my job done. My wife is also fully employed, so she’s fully engaged as well. However, I make sure that communication never stops.

What has marriage taught you?

Marriage has taught me many things. It brings with it a lot of responsibilities, provided that you have the right partner. My wife has been very supportive and always there to encourage me. She is primarily occupied with managing our home and does not have time for frivolities. She keeps our home in excellent order. She believes in family, and all her investments are in our home. For me, marriage is a good thing because it provides me with the comfort I need due to the presence of my kids and wife.

With hindsight, what do you think matters most for couples to have a good marriage?

In my opinion, the most important thing in marriage is to understand each other. What works may differ from one couple to another. I would advise that whatever it is, each couple must be able to manage their differences and avoid third-party intervention. There must be a way for both partners to resolve their differences without involving anyone else; this is crucial. Both parties should understand that they will have to make sacrifices to make it work. There are some things you cannot change about women – accept that fact and learn to live with it. This understanding would bring a lot of peace to the marriage.

What advice can you give to intend couples about marital life?

Please, court one another. You have to understand each other very well. I think marriages are breaking up because people are no longer courting. Courting helps you understand the kind of person you want to marry and shows you the traits you should look for.

Don’t just marry because of love. While courting, discuss important matters. Ask about the future, ensure your thoughts align, and consider the things you would want to change in yourself to be a part of the marriage. One thing I learned from my wife is that she had set her mind on getting married at a certain age.

I didn’t share that target at the time, but eventually, I realised there was nothing wrong with her desire. These insights can serve as guidance. I always wanted to have five children, and she was willing to compromise her desire to match mine. That is a good sign. I would advise that couples maintain good communication and resolve issues among themselves without involving third parties.

Between your wife and children, who do you miss most when you are away?

It’s quite difficult to choose, but I met my wife before the kids, so she’s the one I miss the most. She’s the pillar of our home and the bond that keeps us all together.